Couldn't look you in the eye
You're just like an angel
Your skin makes me cry
You float like a feather
In a beautiful world
I wish I was special
You're so fucking special


I don't care if it hurts
I want to have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul
I want you to notice
When I'm not around
You're so fucking special
I wish I was special


Whatever makes you happy
Whatever you want
You're so fucking special
I wish I was special

to you.

My emotions are so jumbled, and i cant explain how i feel..
im happy, yet im sad... and im content but im mad?
i really cant explain what this iceland ordeal is doing to me but something tells me it may not be for the best, yo.

but a wise chickenhead once said...

"scream in silence."

new layout, new music, and i have decided to finally use my xanga.

SO YAY<3

i'll update it in a while, i have to do Fran's homework for her.. bc im so fucking cool.

AHHHHHHH
asioudoa98idhrsoifupsdfsg]d;'s#[eprfpkd

so i just found out that my friend...
might be having triplets
dude.
I CANT EVEN TAKE CARE OF A CHIA PET.
&people are having babies. jeezus.

kjfdlkjhzsdjfsjfh\lsjdfh;oszdijgf;s

Friend.
Tonight i started thinking... about how seriously fucked up, this whole me living here thing is... and then i started lookin at the pix of us on your site and i started crying.. this is so fucking lame.... but as always i have to be optimistic.... i just wanted to take the time to tell you how much you mean to me, bc i think now-a-days people REALLY take shit for granted... and i realize now more than ever that our friendship is beautiful and its something i could NEVER have with any other person in the whole world. and i mean the WHOLE WORLD. there was a time in my life where i depended on you, for support, guidance, trust, love... everything... then i went throo the time when you had to kinda boost me back up on the horse when i kept fallin off... over and over again.... and you never ceased to help me... you never have... i just cant let whats happening in my life...come between us any more than 8,000 miles. its easy for you to hop your ass on a train and ride to LaVerne... but iceland is a little to risky if your gramma  barely lets you  go to the beach.... i mean damn.&  i think of all the memories and CRAZY ass shit we did in the past year and i cant help but laugh, and then when i laugh...the tears come out... and im not entirely sure if these tears are the good kind... i miss you friend. SO MUCH. and i wish i wouldnt have let all your time become consumed... in my mind anyways... i wish i would have dropped my plans for the fair that day - i wish i could make all this bullshit go away... i just wish i could be the perfect friend to you. i wish with all i have in me that i could be everything you could need... i try my damn hardest to be, but that seems to be not quite enough in my eyes.
YOU hold one of the biggest spots in my heart... and dont think its divided up very many times... i love you friend with all i have in me. and i PRAY to god. that we are friends forever. bc even if i dont let it show. i need you, more than you could ever know. and i love you. with all i have in me. AND thank you... for being the wonderful, beautiful, amazing, talented, creative, loving, caring, friend that you are, i dont even think there are enough words in the human language to describe you, or how i feel. just know that you ARE my best friend. but i dont say that in "silly dumb little 8th grade best friend bullshit" way... i mean it with all my heart... i can open up to you... be real with you , and tell you exactly how i feel.- and when i need advice, your the first person i go to... you know... you are practically indescribable.. if i didnt have such an elusive vocabulary hah.. your like a breath of fresh air britt... you really are, you inadvertantly give me the hope i strive for.... and dont think that anyone could ever replace you. bc NO one can. and i mean NO ONE. i love you like whoa breefa. LIKE WHOA. and i dont know what i would have done without you this past year... you changed me for the better and pulled my ass back into reality, so many times. and for that, again, i thank you and ahhh you taught me HTMLLLLL yaaay and your so damn selfless. and you sing so good. and i just happen to be your biggest fan and i ALWAYS will be. because when mr clean is gone. you KNOW ill be there..... and your ass BETTER have the fuckin heartbreaker solo NEXT YEAR. bc im buying myself a hart tape again. and YOUUUUU better be on it lookin all sex on stage. im SERIOUS.
all i really wanted to say is that i love you. and no matter how much distance between us. im here. im just a thought away.
and know that im here. it brings a whole new meaning to best friend, in the WHOLE WORLD...doesnt it

 
FOREVER

hahahaah YOUR BERFDAYYYY at skool in thuh choir roomm hahaah look at the face. lmao. and the brownie in my teeth ahahahahahahahhahahaah ahhhhhhhhh<3

and then you thought no one renembered your berfday.... annnd much to your surprise i planned a fiesta!

muahahahah yay and i still dont know how the fuck we fit 17 people in there.
O_o_o_O-o-O-o_O_o-o_O-O
lmao the guys at in n out.

the ONE AND ONLY "v picture" slol we are so little... your dark hair and my little hair. awwwwww yaaahhh go us. :E w00t ;]

ahahhaahaha 80s day. and stupid dance team and cheer maked us dress up. jeezus.
lmao and i wore spandex ;x NEVER again. haha

"99 cent store adventure day"
the same day we decided the sperm is the baby. and the egg is the house.

ahhhhh CLOSE THE ASSSSS

2 fuckin mr bacardis up in herrrr
yo nikkah

dude that shit is on FIIIIIYAAA

FAN KREW REPRESEN'N in this muuuth
pshh we 'bout it 'bout it cuuuz
twisten up our fingas and shit youd think we was wanksta
you be mistaken blood
were STRAIGHT UP GANGSTA.

heyyyyyy MACARENAAA

i fuckin love us fuhrit.
<333

FOOOOOOORRRRRRREEEEEVVVVEEEEEERRRRRRR
*pshoo*

ok. one more thing.
8==D :E :P (|)

HOO RAH!

ok if ANYONE is curious as to why im not comin back from iceland for a while...read.

see, my mom and joseph [her boyfriend] had some discrepancy... and well.... heh... ummm.... basically... to make a long story short.... Joseph disapeared for 3 days and took toby [my puppy]with him, no one knew where he went... come to find out he went and got wasted, and went to jail.. for 2 days for drinking and driving, and drunk in public charges [keep in mind hes in AA and has been sober for 5 years].... well he got out and came home to my mom.. who was beyond drunk passed out on the deck... O_o... well when she woke up, she saw joseph smokin throo some pipe, or something,[i dunno the whole story] and she thought, ok hes smokin weed....negative.... homeboy was straight up smokin some crizzack... my mom asked him what the fuck he was doing [he supposedly had a crack problemo back in the day], and he told her he wanted to die, O_o well they started arguing, and he threw her down on the stairs, and started hitting her in the stomach [keep in mind shes pregnant] and he was saying shit like, how he didnt want his child to come into a world and not have a father after hes gone....and while alllllll of this is goin on, back in oceanside, at my aunts house... *ahem* my uncle came home that same night, joseph was workin the crackpipe, way drunk after partyin with his friends... with no car... [he had a 2000 ford explorer, with like 6 inch lift and it was rollin on some 22's] my aunt woke up with their new baby, both in the bed, to the sound of my uncle coming up the stairs.... well he got up and started tellin my aunt what a bitch she was and blah blah blah, and she told him to just go to bed, and as soon as she said that he plopped his ass on the bed, and landed on the babies arm... so ahhhhhhhhhh my aunt started crying and grabbed the baby and went to my grammas, and now my aunt wants a divorce after being with my uncle since their sophomore year of high school, my uncle TOTALLED his car, my mom called the cops and had Joseph arrested, so hes in jail, my moms at home drinking like 2 bottles of gin a night, and my gramma pretty much disowned mi familia.

so THAT in a nutshell is why im staying longer than planned.
this shit just sux.

My whole fuckin life, i have paid for EVERYONES mistakes... and now... b4 my senior year this shit goes down and im forced to fuck up my life due to some fuckin bull shit my mom decides to pull. this is all fuckin lame, i dont even know what the fuck to think... or do.

i just wish i could come home...
and i wish i had a home to come to.